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Nan and Me July 31, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in Uncategorized.
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I couldn’t resist July 30, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in realizations.
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Curiosity finally got the best of me, and I started to read the first Harry Potter last night.  I got through the first 30 pages in what seemed like minutes, then M came upstairs wanting to go to bed, so I went to lay with him for a while, and honestly had every intention of falling asleep too except I could. not. stop. thinking. about. that. damn. book.   So after he fell asleep I crept back over to the office, and read until my eyes just would not stay open anymore.  I’m about half done, and honestly…yea, I see what all the fuss is about.  The book is damn good.  I’m going to get the other five today so I can bring them to Canada.

I’ll probably write more during the day after the boredom sets in.

Sunday, Sunday July 30, 2007

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Today was not very exciting.  The toilet in M’s mom’s bathroom was leaking, so we picked up my dad and spent almost the entire day trying to fix, then eventually giving up and replacing it.  Now M is downstairs watching the news and I’m in our room sipping my macchiato while watching my Sex and the City DVD’s.  I’m about to clean up a little so I don’t need to this week. 

This is the most boring entry.  Could my life be any more exciting?

I’m also getting ready for Canada.  I contemplated getting an Ipod, then decided to just get a discman both to save money, and because the only place I’ll ever use an Ipod is the gym, and I either use my phone, which has songs saved on it, or plug headphones into the treadmill to watch TV.  I also got one of those disc holders that holds over 200 cd’s, put my favorite DVD’s into a smaller disc holder, and am looking into a nice, inexpensive bag for this and future travels.  I also need to get batteries, snacks, and to find a nice dress for the funeral.  That I’ve been putting off because just the thought depresses the crap outta me. 

That’s all for now…got to get cleaning.

Date night and random blurbs July 29, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in M, realizations.
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Last night M took me out for dinner, and then we came home and watched The Notebook.  I love that movie so much.  The immediate effect it has on your relationship is pretty remarkable.  You believe in love, you want to be sweet to each other, and you’re more passionate than you’ve been in weeks.  That movie has magical powers, I swear. 

Now I’m at work, pretty much waiting for someone to get back so I can go to Starbucks for a while.  Ah, the excitement my life contains!  I also need to scan in photos at some point today, which I’m looking forward to.  I love old photos.  There’s something so classic and romantic about them.  I really want M and I to take some nice photos and make black and white prints of them.  I definitely want our wedding photos to be black and white. 

Anyways…

This is how much of a dork I am:  I was looking around on this website that has various how-to videos, and I came across a section of how to make certain mixed drinks.  Ever the aspiring alcoholic that I am, I watched each one, then went onto a website that categorizes drinks, and just made a list on three little sheets of paper of drinks I’d like to try so I can slip them into my wallet and use them for the next time I go out.  I know it seems lame, but my mind goes completely blank when I go to a bar or a club, so it’ll be nice to have something to reference. 

I’m at home now, waiting for M to wake up so we can go downstairs and eat.  His sister is down there with her boyfriend right now, so I’m also kinda waiting for them to leave.  I really, really just don’t like being around her.  There are way too many bad feelings that arise every time I see her, and I’m at the point where I’m pretty much over being angry, but that doesn’t mean I want to be friends.  I’m perfectly fine being civil, but she feels the need to point out to her mom that I don’t go out of my way to talk to her, so every now and then I get the pointed looks and whispered about in Spanish when I walk into a room.  It’s beyond rude, and really just makes them look petty, so…I enjoy feeling like the bigger person.  It’s actually kind of nice to be at a point where despite knowing someone is talking shit about me, I can genuinely not care, just smile and walk away realizing that I must have some power over them to cause such an uproar.  M doesn’t care, loves me all the same, and just wants everyone to be happy, so that’s exactly what I’ll be. 

I really want to go out now, but I’m so tired from work today, and I know M is tired (obviously, cause he’s been sleeping for two hours now).  Plus the person I want to go out with is Anna, and she’s in New York for the weekend.  I want to plan a night out with my favorite girls and our guys to go to the Sky Bar in DC and dress up like my grandmother did when she was my age (in 1949) and drink cocktails and wear the pearls she left to me.  I think it would be a nice tribute to her memory other than crying all the time.

Speaking of tributes, I need to write my favorite story of her for the memory book my cousin is putting together, so that’s all outta me for now.

July 27, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in I kinda love my life.
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Tonight was really nice.  Anna, Kate and her boyfriend Noel came over for dinner.  We sat on the patio in the back of our house, and M barbequed hamburgers and chicken.  I set up my lights so they aren’t falling off the house anymore, so it was really pretty.  Kate made watermelon rum drinks that tasted like jolly ranchers.  We had good conversation and laughed, and it was just really ideal.  It was the first time M and I have sat out there at night, and I can’t wait to do it again. 

 I got off work a few hours early so I could run errands and clean the house.  There’s a book I’ve wanted to get for a while, and the only bookstore that had it in stock is in downtown Silver Spring, so I went there and got Starbucks and walked around for a while.  It’s not something I usually do by myself, and I realized that I really enjoy being alone with my thoughts.  I’ve always wanted to see a movie by myself, and wanted to today, but didn’t have enough time.  I think I’m going to try to do that soon though.

I asked Anna if she wants to go skydiving with me, and she said she would.  We’re both really excited.  I’m glad to have a friend to go with, and really glad that it’s her.  I’ve known her as an acquaintance since middle school, and never really thought we’d be close, but I’m so, so glad I was wrong.  She’s the best person to be around.  So mellow and sweet.  She sees the good in everyone and everything, which helps cause I tend to focus on the bad, especially in people.  She gives the best advice, and always has a perspective I haven’t thought of.  This is becoming a cheesy tribute, but I’m basically just really glad to have her in my life. 

M wants to watch a movie, so that’s all for now.

Randomness July 26, 2007

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Day one of being healthy went pretty smoothly.  This morning I had my macchiato (I couldn’t resist! I was half asleep), then a vanilla Special K bar for my mid-morning snack.  Anna and I went to Safeway to get healthy food for lunch, and came back with a bag of lettuce, croutons, cheddar cheese, cesaer dressing spritzer thing,  and ranch Quaker snack things.  I had some super delicious shrimp pasta that M’s mom made for dinner.  I drank four bottles of water today, and went to the gym with M tonight.  I worked my butt off there too.  I did twice as many reps as I usually do on my favorite machines, and jogged on the treadmill for 20 minutes (which nearly killed me, let me tell you).  The only thing that’s really causing me to notice a difference is all the water I’m drinking.  I just feel better in general.  And it’s only been one day!  Pretty good sign if you ask me.

I’m soooooo looking forward to season 3 of The Hills… and the Season 2 DVD release.  It’s kind of sad how much I obsess with various shows, but it’s the little things that make you happy I suppose.

I really need a haircut and really want a pedicure.  I’m debating where to go for each because I’m trying to save money, but get good results at the same time.  There’s this spa my boss took my coworkers and I to as part of our Christmas bonus last year called Feja’s that I looove.  It’s also the spa where M set up an appointment of pampering for my birthday.  They give the best pedicures ever, but its pricey, so…I’m still debating. 

That’s all for now because I’m also trying to get to sleep earlier.  I feel like I’m finally getting my shit together, and I must say…I should have done it sooner cause it feels good. 

I want cartwheels too, dammit July 25, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in M.
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I didn’t get to the gym last night.  Instead M and I cleaned the house, which actually turned out to be a better workout.  I scrubbed the kitchen down, washed and put away a ton of dishes, vacuumed the living room and swept up the kitchen floor while M painted the upstairs bathroom.  Then we watched My Life on the D List, which cracks us both up, and then I showered and he watched The Colbert Report, then the news while I read the new Oprah magazine and he gave me a foot massage.  All in all, we were the picture of a happy, homeowning couple. 

I went into the office, as I do most nights now, to spend some time by myself.  It’s probably my favorite part of the house.  All of my books, some candles, and the pink pillows from my old “all mine” room are in there, and I can sit there and read, or play my music, or watch my DVD’s without someone sighing or asking if we can watch something else.  This room is an apparent necessity for me in my neverending quest to maintain my sanity.

So, last night I watched parts of The Notebook, and I was overcome with the NEED for, as one of my favorite bloggers put it (yes I’m a nerd), cartwheels.  Figurative cartwheels.  As in a guy who is “so happy to be with meeee, that he just wants to do cartwheels.”

Don’t get me wrong…for me, there is no other guy than M.  He is in many, many ways everything I’ve always wanted and hoped for and more.  Its just that we’ve surpassed the honeymoon phase, and there are times when knowing that part of our relationship is behind us really makes me sad and wistful.  The first year of our relationship is my favorite part of my life so far.  It was so full of butterflies and being completely inseparable, and giddyness and holding hands, and arguing over who loves who more.  The classic cliche in every way, and I loved every second of it. 

I know that what we have now is in many ways better.  Comfortable, stable and real love and intimacy.  I just can’t help wishing he would act more like he did in the beginning.  Constantly surprise me, say sweet things, send me poems, call just to hear my voice…the works.

I know I’m a typical girl, but really…is it too much to ask for cartwheels?

bored July 24, 2007

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Total # of books I own: a few hundred at my house, a few hundred more in boxes at my parents house

Last Book I Bought: “The Year of Magical Thinking”

Last Book I Read: “A People’s History of the United States”—suuuuuuch a must read. It will open your eyes and fill them with tears.

Book I Am Currently Reading: “A Year of Magical Thinking”

First Memory of a Book: I remember reading “Where the Sidewalk Ends” over and over. I had a thing with checking out the same books from the library, and some I remember are “A Promise is a Promise” and the scary story books that I really have no idea why I loved reading them so much, because they scared the bajeezus out of me.

Six Books That Mean A Lot To Me:
1. “The Time Traveler’s Wife”– I’ve read this book probably ten times. It’s the most poignant, beautiful story. To read about the love the main character’s share, and the way they live their lives was like reading exactly what I dream for myself. Seriously my favorite book ever.

2. “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”– I read this book for the first time my senior year in high school, and I cannot put into word how much it helped when I felt like an outsider.

3. “The Giving Tree”– The most heartbreaking, thought-provoking take on unconditional love. Every time I go to a bookstore I stop to read it again, and every time it makes me tear up.

4. “Atlas Shrugged”– A little too long, but feels like a journey you experience with the characters. I read it about five years ago, and I still notice influences of its ideals in my thoughts.

5. “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”– I love reading things that make you stop and look up to think for a while, and this book seriously makes you do that about three times every page.

6. Anything Calvin and Hobbes. It’s kind of a family thing, cause my parents got my siblings and I each book one by one for Christmas. Many of the strips still make me laugh after probably a hundred re-reads.

Books I’m Looking Forward to Being Consumed:  “Catch-22”, “Swann’s Way”, “Jane Eyre”, “In Her Absence”, and I have to admit that all of this craze has gotten me a little intrigued with Harry Potter, which I honestly didn’t see coming.

Books That Are Underrated: I think “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” should be mentioned in the same sentence as “The Catcher in the Rye” as far as influential books for young adults go. I’m always disappointed when I see copies of it in the bookstore cause I feel like it should always be sold out and sought after.

Books That Are Overrated: The Bible, On the Road, and almost anything by Ernest Hemingway.

Living right July 24, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in random.
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Things are slowly getting back to normal, but not at the same time.  It feels sort of like everything shifted, but it might just be me.  My grandmothers death seems to have cause epiphany after epiphany.  I feel sort of like I’m waking up after a long, strange dream, and I finally seem to have dropped a huge portion of my anger weight.  M’s sister apologized for “not being a friend” to me in a card she gave me the other day, with flowers and a big hug.  Things in the house are actually peaceful.  I’ve been collecting pictures of my grandmother from my cousin and parents, and I hope to go to my aunt’s sometime this week to pick up boxes of photos.  The plan is to scan them all in at my weekend job, and put all the pictures to CD’s to give to various family members at the memorial service.  I also want to make a DVD with a montage of photos put to music.  I really hope I can finish it by Monday.

I’ve decided to start eating right.  I saw the soda report on the news, and really, really don’t want to be unhealthy anymore, so this morning I stopped by Target on my way to work, and got a 24 pack of bottled water, Special K snack bars, and applesauce.  I’m going to make another fruit salad when I get home today, and have that for breakfast from now on.  I got my caramel macchiato, but it’s more of a farewell, because I’m not going to get them in the morning anymore.  I’ll get one at night, and only if I really want one.  I’m going to start going to the gym hopefully every day, if not then every other day. 

I’m also getting smarter about money.  It only took 7 years of making it to finally learn how to manage it!  I’m making lists of things I truly want, then waiting a week before looking back over the list.  It’s amazing how many things I completely forget about.  I’ve decided to keep $2000 from the money my mom gave me in my checking account, just to have a nice little nest there, and the rest is going to a CD this weekend. 

I’ve also decided to finally start doing all the things I’ve always wanted to, just never got around to.  The weekend after we come back from the funeral I’m going skydiving.  M and I are getting passports this week because we finally decided to go to El Salvador for Christmas, and we’re getting the tickets as soon as we can.  We talked the other night about opening a savings account for our wedding, and he said that with his new raise he can afford to put in $100 a month, and I figured I can afford $50 a month, so we’re going to start that soon.  We’re also starting to plan Europe, which I’m more excited about than anything. 

Things are looking up, which is what my grandmother told me she wishes for me.  I think it’s sad that her death seems to be the kick in the ass I needed, but I’m sure she would be happy knowing she impacted her loved ones lives so much. 

Back to work, more later

July 19, 2007

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My nan passed away at 1:30 this morning.  My aunt was with her, and said she seemed peaceful.

M and I spent the day with my dad, who seems to be doing okay.  We’re planning the trip to Canada now.  Everything seems completely surreal and foggy.