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Surprisingly good day July 12, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in realizations.
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Today was really hard, and actually turned out to be really good too.  I took off work to spend time with my grandmother.  We got there at around 4, and four of my cousins, and my aunt and uncle who I haven’t seen in YEARS were there.  It was so good to see everyone.  One of my cousins is 28, and he brought his wife and three-month old son.  He’s always been my absolute favorite cousin.  He’s so funny and charismatic.  He’s in the marines, and has the best stories to tell.  He’s been all over the world, met his wife when he was stationed in Japan, and they’ve traveled everywhere together.  Now they’re living in New Mexico, and just seem to have the sweetest life.  I was watching them together…they seriously have the most perfect marriage I’ve ever seen.  They got along so well…she’s really sweet, smart and mellow.  She just sort of effortlessly got along with everyone.  He came to visit last summer without her, and he spoke so highly of her.  I thought it was so sweet at the time, but now I see that he was honestly just describing her like she is.  They were such great partners with their son too.  They took turns with holding him, feeding him, and changing him.  They each had stories to tell about him, and just seemed so happy with him and each other.  The whole time we were there, I just remember thinking how much I hope my marriage and child-rearing is just like they have it. 

Two of my other cousins are 20 year old twins, and both have babies (one has another on the way).  One is a little over a year, and the other is four months old.  These kids were seriously adorable.  I couldn’t put them down.  My cousins have changed so much since I last saw them.  It was really weird to see them with kids.  One of the twins is married, and she brought her husband, who seemed really nice.

The whole day was just nice.  There was an obvious elephant in the room the whole time, but my grandmother seemed really happy that everyone was there.  She held my cousins son, and he took pictures of them together.  I really want to ask him for a copy.  It was so hard seeing her so sick.  She was wearing an oxygen attachment in her nose, and just seemed so frail.  She had a jewlery box, and told each of us granddaughters to choose a piece of her jewlery to remember her by.  It was so hard to go through it without crying.  I chose a string of pearls that I remember seeing in an old picture of her that my dad has.  I just hope I wear them as well as she did.

Saying goodbye was the strangest thing.  It didn’t seem like it would be for forever.  I hugged her, and she told me that she’s proud of me, and that she hopes I have a great life.  She said that I’m heading in the right direction, and getting my life together, so she just hopes I continue.  She said that she hopes that M and I stay together, and are good to each other because the last thing our family needs is another couple who hates each other.  She said that she wishes she could see what happens to me, and that she could be at the big things, like my graduation and wedding, and that she’s going to miss me a lot.  I cried the whole time.  I told her that she means a lot to me, and thanked her for being her, because just who she is, and things that she’s said have touched me so much.  I told her that I will miss her too, and try to continue to make her proud, and that I wouldn’t be too worried about M and I. 

The whole day was one big epiphany.  Life is so short.  There are things that are important, and things that just aren’t, and the best we can all do is just try to do good things, and be good to each other. 

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