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Horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day July 16, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in Uncategorized.

My mom called me this morning and said that my grandmother went into a coma.  My dad and I were there just last night, and she was awake and alert, yelling at my cousin when he was going on and on about stupid stuff.  My aunt and two cousins who she pretty much raised were there with their spouses and kids.  My grandmother seemed so happy…just like her old self.  I was so shocked when my mom told me because it seems so sudden.  But I guess it would seem sudden no matter when it happened. 

She’s not coming out of it now.  We went out for dinner with my cousin, her husband and kids, and my aunt.  The memorial service is going to be the weekend before labor day in Canada, where my grandmother’s family is from.  It was so weird to sit there and plan it, mostly because she’s still alive.  I’m not ready to plan her funeral.  Not ready to tell my boss that I need to take time off work.  Not ready to have it be real, and to actually form the words. 

I just keep thinking about my dad.  I can’t even count how many times I would come home and he would be on the phone with her.  Knowing that will never happen again makes my heart ache for him.  When we went there today, she looked like she was asleep.  She looked really peaceful, which helped the situation.  My dad looked like a lost little boy.  He walked over and kissed her on the forehead, and sat with her for a few minutes before saying he needed to go outside.  Part of me regrets going, because I really, really didn’t want to see her like that.  In most of the memories I have of her, she’s walking around, super energetic, yelling at someone, or playing cards, or telling a story.  She gives the best advice.  The “best advice I’ve ever received” section on the side of this page is hers.  She’s just such a wonderful person, and I feel so lucky that she’s my grandmother.  I want to get some home movies from my parents house where she’s being the Nan I remember so well. 

This is by far the hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through, but I do take comfort in knowing that I’m not alone.  She’s so important to so many people.  The memorial service is going to be packed.  I think it’ll rip my dad and his siblings apart in a lot of ways, because she’s the glue that holds them all together.  But it’s bringing their children closer together.  I’ve friended all of my cousins on myspace and facebook, and gotten some of their emails.  I really want to keep in touch with them more.  I think my grandmother would like that.  She was so happy this past week, when everyone was there, together, talking and catching up.  Family means more to her than anything else.

I’m starting to tear up again, and I’ve already cried buckets today, so that’s all for now.



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