Random Highlights August 7, 2009Posted by Sparkel in random.
- I just read the Time magazine article on exercise and it’s apparent counter productiveness and I actually feel very relieved. Not because I want to stop my regime (I actually feel better than I have in a long time) but because I have been a LOT hungrier lately and could not for the life of me figure out why. Now I feel a bit better and strangely less hungry… hoorah for psychosomatic tendencies!
- Casual Fridays are frequently my dressiest day at work. M and I have been trying new places around DC because we both work in the city now, and going back home only to come back makes no sense. We’re going to a restaurant that was recommended on behalf of its fabulous drinks and not too pricey food, so I’m quite excited.
- Two of M’s sister’s friends who have become my friends came over last night for dinner. One of them, Lainey, asked when M and I are getting married. I smiled and told her she would have to ask him, and he was playing Wii Tennis, so his response was something along the lines of “uh…I dunno…OH COME ON YOU STUPID ASSHOLE DAAAMMMITTTT FUUUUUCCK!” He sure knows how to make the ladies swoon 😀
- M’s sister is due in five weeks, and her baby shower is at the end of this month. She and M continuously refer to the baby as my nephew, which hasn’t gotten any less strange. Does anyone have a weird time dealing with being called “Aunt” or “Uncle” by their significant others family? Maybe it’s just my aversion to children right now, because I frequently refer to her as my “sister-in-law” (but mostly because that term flows better in conversation than “my boyfriends sister”) I truly believe that while I am ready for marriage and domestic bliss right now, M will be ready for kids possibly long before I am. The whole concept truly just…freaks me out. Watching people with babies is fun and cute until I picture myself with my own, and then I just feel nervous. M’s cousin did this trick where she puts a necklace with a ring on it into your palm and lifts it up and down, and when she stops, the number of twists in the necklace is the number of children you’ll have. M will apparently have two, and me? Zero. And part of me felt relieved. I hope my feelings change.
- We’re going to Atlantic City Saturday night. M’s cousin is flying from Spain to El Salvador, and arranged a layover in DC that she extended for a few days so she can visit. M and I wanted to go to New York, but we were the only ones, so we decided to go by ourselves one weekend before I start school again. I’m excited. I ❤ New York very much and would love to live there for a year or two someday, so visiting is always a chance to live vicariously through…myself for a few days. Places to stay on the cheap, but nice and restaurant recommendations are always much appreciated 😀
- I’m still kinda crazy about my job. I have coworkers who I now consider friends. I have more responsibilities, so I feel stressed but appreciated and I basically just really enjoy being there. I feel content and pleased with the amount I get done and the praise I receive. I’m truly happy and feel very, very lucky.
What’s randomly going on in your life/mind?
We can be quiet together, and pretend—since it is only the beginning—that we have all the time in the world. August 3, 2009Posted by Sparkel in I kinda love my life, M, realizations.
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Realizing that the way you feel about a belief or a passion or a person is changing does not happen unless you have a full comprehension of where you’re coming from. Obvious right? And yesterday I realized that, while I have been in love with M for almost six years, I have never been what could be described as “comfortable” in that love.
I am comfortable with him. Neither of us walk on eggshells, we are honest, we argue, we’re mushy and affectionate. I’ve been aware of the good he brings to my life, of the respect and admiration he inspires in other people. I’ve gotten to know him very well, and he’s gotten to know me. I am still learning things about him all the time. He is still very capable of surprising me. And I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hope beyond anything I have ever hoped that we spend the rest of our lives together, but I haven’t allowed myself to believe we will.
I think I’ve been afraid of settling in to being comfortable and happy in my relationship with M because I’m afraid that the second I do, something horrible will happen. But I also think it’s in large part because it is only now that M and I are entering into a whole new part of our relationship, where we not only love and want each other, but we like each other and respect each other almost unequivocally. We rely on each other and trust that no harm will come purposely from the other. It’s something that can only come with time. Isn’t that the argument against ‘love at first sight’? That you can only really love someone with time and really getting to know them?
I think the best analogy for a relationship is the concept of learning a very complicated, intricate dance. You’re stumbling around each other for a while, then when you feel you have the hang of the steps, you still need to learn how to coordinate around and with your partner. And then one day, you’re dancing together as you always have, but something just clicks and settles, and suddenly you’re moving as a unit. It’s easy and fun and you have faith that, should you stumble, your partner will catch you.
I have faith that M and I would have gotten here whether we decided to marry five years ago, or if we wait until five years from now. But there is something about the thought of marrying M after this comfort level has been reached that, cheesily, makes my heart sing. I feel as though I can relax now, and the future will take care of itself without forceful interventions from my insecurities.
We went curtain shopping yesterday and walked around the appliance section at Sears, discussing our wants and likes for the house in our future. We laughed and made fun of each others tastes and agreed and disagreed on things.
As we walked through the parking lot to the car, he asked what I think we should get his sister as a gift for her baby. I shrugged and said I don’t really care, it’s his nephew, he can pick. He took my hand and said “its your nephew too, my Tina, like it or not. What’s mine is yours, and that includes family.”
Someone chose me to be his family. This knowledge has finally sunk in, and I could not be happier.