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Obsessions May 22, 2008

Posted by Sparkel in meee.
2 comments

I’ve realized that it is absolutely essential that I have an obsession at all times.

In high school it was WB teen shows, like Dawson’s Creek, Buffy and Roswell.  I recorded every episode on carefully labeled VHS tapes and watched them at least ten times before the new episode came on.  When I was bored in class I wrote lines of dialogue from memory in a five-subject notebook.  I think I filled about three of them.

I’m one of those annoying people who repeats the same song the entire way to and from anywhere.  I watched Titanic 15 times while it was still in theaters.  I drive M crazy when I buy DVD’s because I’m known to keep them in a loop for a few weeks.  I’ve read my favorite books at least five times each.  I read the entire Harry Potter series in a week.  I’ve read Atlas Shrugged three times.  I quote The Office at least once in every conversation mainly because I watch at least one episode every day so I know them all by heart.  When I love something, I LOVE it.  I cannot watch or read anything just once.

During fall and winter my obsession is my shows.  When May hits I don’t really know what to do with my thoughts or my free time until I find myself some books to obsess over.

And boy-oh-boy, did I hit the jackpot!  I’ve heard about how amazing Twilight is for months.  I finally decided to get it, and finished last night (and already started rereading it this morning.)  I cannot get it out of my head.  I already ordered the next two books off Amazon and I’m seriously considering canceling the order and just running to Borders so I don’t have to wait anymore (the extra $20 I’ll spend be damned!!)

What do you obsess over?

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23(?)(!) May 16, 2008

Posted by Sparkel in meee, realizations.
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3 comments

I turned 23 the other day. It’s a very strange feeling so far, knowing I’m being pushed farther into the abyss known as Adulthood, one of my arms reaching back, grasping for my youth while the other arm is thrown in front of me into a welcoming half-hug. I pushed “23” as my age into the elliptical and just felt old. I half expected my joints to creak as I started up.

Everyone keeps insisting that 23 is not old. 23 is in fact, quite young, and I have my whole entire long life ahead of me, yadda yadda yadda. It really only feels old when I think of all the things I thought I would have done by now. Traveled to Europe, lived with girlfriends, finished school, etc. Instead I live in a house I partially own with my boyfriend and members of our respective families. In my world, I’m one of the reliable ones. Are 23 year olds supposed to be reliable? Mature? Paying a mortgage?

The twenties is such a strange time. It reminds me of being 11, and not really feeling like a kid, but not quite feeling like a teen either. Not knowing what’s “normal,” or “cool” anymore. I know people who are married with kids, or who are not married with kids, or who are still in school, or who have well-paying jobs, or are already establishing careers, or who still live at home, or who don’t work at all, or own their own place, or live by themselves, or who live with roommates. What the heck is normal? How do you gage your progress?

Part of me really wants to make this year count. I feel like it’s the last one that will allow me to bar-hop, drink a bunch, have wild, crazy nights and not feel out of place or get those “um…really?” looks. I regret the things I mentioned before (no Europe, no live-in besties, no degree), and I really don’t want to regret missing the whole “woo hoo TWENTIES!” phase that has become such a cliche. I want to go to the gym and eat healthy food, and once in my life allow myself to have the body I’ll look back on when I’m 70 and think “man, I was a DISH!”

So, to be cheesy; 23 will be a party and about ME (the last year I allow myself to be selfish when it comes to my time or money), 24 will be about more (AKA setting my self up as far as a career, getting that pesky degree, and saving for Europe goes.)

Wish my generally shy, homebody, “the metro BY. MY. SELF?”, somewhat sheltered self luck.

And look forward to pictures 😀

Maybe I AM a gift! May 2, 2008

Posted by Sparkel in M, meee.
2 comments

Conversation with M today, after an argument last night about getting over things:

M:  I do love you, but I just wish you would stop punishing me for things and bringing things up.
Me:  Okay, fine, you know what.  This is the realization I came to last night:  we are going to be just like any other couple.  We don’t need to be special.  We don’t need to be sweet and loving and sorry when the other one hurts at all.  We can just say “hi” and “bye” and “whatever” to everything else.  Dates don’t need to be wonderful, and sex doesn’t need to be meaningful.  I mean, animals have sex and it’s no biggie to them, so why should we be any different?  I am not special, and you are not special, so from now on I am going to treat you like you’re not special at all.
M:  Oh, you’re special all right.
Me:  NO I AM NOT.  I am just like any other girl.  Actually, I AM SPECIAL!  And you know what I’m gonna do?? I am going to save all my specialness for MYSELF.  I won’t show you or anyone else.  I will be special when I’m alone, and relish my awesomeness and as soon as someone walks into a room I will turn it off.  That’ll show you all!
M:  It sounds like you’re just tired of people not treating you like the gift that you are…
Me:  Exac-WHAAA?  Oh no you just didn’t!
M:  *laughing* oh come on, you have to admit, that was funny.
Me:  You know what, I am like Paula Abdul in the sense that it’s one step forward, two steps back with EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN MY LIFE.