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I’m half-jobless September 30, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in work.
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So…I kinda lost half of my job.  On Friday my boss informed Anna and I that he’s low on funds at the moment and therefore has no choice but to cut back on payroll.  He told us he can only afford to pay 20 hours a week between us until he settles a really big case and then we’re back to normal.  But it could take anywhere from a few days to several months.  Kinda really sucks a lot.

Anna lives at home, has no bills to speak of, and said that her dad wanted her to take a month off anyway to study for the GRE, so she very generously told me that I can take all 20 hours.  I feel really bad, but at the same time I really need the money.  Even with the 20 hours, my income just got cut in half.  I’m going to ask my Saturday job boss if I can work another day or two a week for the next month, and if my boss doesn’t have me working more hours by then I really have no choice but to find another job.

I’m bummed because I really like my job.  The work is boring, but I can choose my schedule, the pay is really great, and I work with one of my closest friends.  I really can’t ask for much better.  I looked around online for other administrative assistant jobs, and saw one posted at UMCP that pays a little more that I’m making now so I may go for that one.  This really sucks.  But I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this is extremely temporary and my boss tells us on Monday “nevermind! We settled and are back on!”  We shall see.

I could use the time to study and I have some back-up money so I should be alright.  Of course I’ll be alright.  I know I’ll find another job.  I just REALLY hope it pays as well cause I’ve spoiled myself rotten. 

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What makes me… September 28, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in books & movies & shows, I kinda love my life, meee.
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smile:
Jim and Pam are together!! Woo woo!
“sick” days
having enough money in the bank for bills and then some
steaming hot showers
jeans that fit perfectly
caramel macchiatos
candle-lit rooms
e-mails from my loves
having Saturday and Sunday off
the smell of books (especially old ones…I’m weird)
puppies and bunnies and babies
M walking into a room
sweet alcoholic drinks
girl nights

frown:
falling asleep in a room so hot you wake up sweating
damp towels
summer ending
the feeling of stepping on crumbs when barefoot
“can you work late tonight?”
alarm clocks going off
selfish people
great shows being cancelled (no more Arrested Development, Gilmore Girls, Everwood… heck, I’m still not over no more Dawson’s Creek!)
knowing someone is mad at me

tired:
the pile of books I need to read this weekend

However, the happiness that Jim and Pam are together is (dorkily) outweighing everything else right now.  You know you wanna squee!

Death Cab September 26, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in food for thought.
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I’m obsessing over this song right now.  It’s called “Brothers on a Hotel Bed” and it’s by Death Cab for Cutie.  I’m reading one of those “song meanings” sites and a lot of people think its a sad song which really surprises me.  I was driving to pick M up from school when I first heard it and I was entranced by the music (really pretty and slow) and then, like with most Death Cab songs, I was completely moved by the lyrics:

You may tire of me
As our December sun is setting
Because I’m not who I used to be
No longer easy on the eyes
But these wrinkles masterfully disguise
The youthful boy below

Who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for
Both a beginning and an end
But now he lives inside
Someone he does not recognize
When he catches his reflection on accident

On the back of a motorbike
With your arms outstretched, trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
But even at our swiftest speed
We couldn’t break from the concrete
And the city where we still reside

And I have learned
That even landlocked lovers yearn
For the sea like navy men
Because now we say goodnight
From our own seperate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed
Like brothers on a hotel bed
Like brothers on a hotel bed
Like brothers on a hotel bed

You may tire of me
As our December sun is setting
Because I’m not who I used to be

I guess I can see why it could be seen as a sad song.  But the lines

Who turned your way and saw
Something he was not looking for
Both a beginning and an end

struck me as really romantic.  They immediately reminded me of M and when we first got together.  I just broke up with one guy, began liking another who went MIA and just wanted nothing to do with relationships.  I was all “I want a cute, fun guy to hook up with, and nothing more.”  When M and I started hanging out I don’t think either of us thought it would be anything serious.  I really did turn his way and see something I wasn’t looking for, both a beginning and an end.  That line was mostly interpreted as a doomed relationship from the start, but I take it as you see the person and know “this is THE relationship, the one that will last until the end of my life.” 

This group of lyrics:

On the back of a motorbike
With your arms outstretched, trying to take flight
Leaving everything behind
But even at our swiftest speed
We couldn’t break from the concrete
And the city where we still reside

One of the people on the song meanings site wrote this, which I completely agree with:
the motorbike verse gives us the picture perfect image of youthful abandon against the idea of losing love the hardest way – to old age and fatigue.

Random blog, but this song has been in my player and on my mind for the past three days, so I just thought I’d share.  Listen to it!  It’s seriously amazingly beautiful.

I’m also really into The Postal Service and loooove this song:

Brand New Colony
I’ll be the grapes fermented
Bottled and served with the table set
In my finest suit, like a perfect gentleman

I’ll be the fire escape
That’s bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I’ll be the waterwings
That save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgement’s on the brink

I’ll be the phonograph
That plays your favorite albums back
As you’re lying there, drifting off to sleep

I’ll be the platform shoes
And undo what heredity’s done to you
You won’t have to strain to look into my eyes

I’ll be your winter coat
Buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won’t catch cold

I want to take you far
From the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We’ll cut our bodies free
From the tethers of this scene
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change
We’ll give ourselves new names
(Identities erased)
The sun will heat the ground
Under our bare feet
In this brand new colony

Everything will change

No interpretations from me though, as this song clearly needs none.

Whipped cream brings too much drama to my life September 26, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in Uncategorized.
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I got into an argument with the cashier at Starbucks this morning.  I was half-awake and kinda cranky when I ordered my usual drink from a guy I’ve never seen at the Starbucks I frequent most mornings.  In fact, I go there so many mornings that three baristas know my drink by heart and call it out as soon as I walk through the door.  (Starbucks is my Cheers <3)  I tell him “iced caramel macchiato with whipped cream and extra caramel” and he repeats it to the barista, minus the whipped cream.  I can’t even tell you how many times they forget the whipped cream.  6 drinks out of 10 I need to gently remind them when they put it on the table (and nothing annoys me more than when they get annoyed.  Hello!  I just paid $4.20 for a DRINK!  And it’s your job!)  So I say “and whipped cream” and he looks at me with a condescending smirk and says “it comes with whipped cream.”  My first thought (and this may be a sign I need anger management) was ‘you lying little bastard’.  I told him that no, as a matter of fact, it doesn’t.

Cashier: yes it does
K: no it doesn’t
C: yes it does
K: no it doesn’t.  I’ve gotten this drink almost every day for the past six years.  There are times when I ask for whipped cream and don’t even get it. 
C: whipped cream comes on all drinks unless they’re non-fat.
K: I’m telling you, this drink does not come with whipped cream.  I’ve been told by other cashiers that it’s weird that I order whipped cream as they’ve never heard anyone want it on iced macchiatos before.  It comes on frappucinos, but not macchiatos.
C: *to barista* do iced caramel macchiatos come with whipped cream?
Barista: No, why?  Does she want whipped cream?
C: Next customer in line please.

I felt victorious.  Something so stupid and petty, but sweet Jesus he was adamant and smug. 

Interview September 26, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in meee, survey.
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1. What did you want to be when you grew up? How close/far is it to what you’re doing now?
A writer.  Now I’m studying to be a freelance editor and critic so it’s not too far off.  I’d like to write a novel someday but unfortunately (as you can probably tell from this blog) I don’t have too much of interest to say at the moment. 

2. Do you have any sore spots that you don’t laugh at/make fun of?
My nearest and dearest obviously.  I don’t think it’s funny to make fun of someone.  Be it about their weight, looks, intelligence, even if you’re “kidding” I just really don’t get why it’s funny. 

3. You crack a fortune cookie and it reads “Your dearest wish will come true”. What is it?
I’ll be happily in love until the end of my days.

4. Lets say you had a LARGE amount of money to give away. We’re talking make a difference money. Where would you give it and why.
I would an extremely large portion of the money to those who really need it in Africa (Darfur, and Chad to start.)  After that I would give some to my dad so that he could write and not have to worry about money for the rest of his life, and some to my friend Jessie so that she could do all of the things she wants and not be hindered money anymore, some to my sister so she can pursue acting without starving, and the rest to M so that he could go to school for as long as he wants, travel, and have a good life.

5. If money/jobs/family were no object, where would you live?
In a house right on Lake Como in Italy.
 

Just me? September 24, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in food for thought, it is looove, M.
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Does anyone else ever feel kinda lost?

You live your life…you have your friends, family, maybe a relationship. You work (mostly because you need money, and really, what else would you do with your time?), maybe go to school. Every day is more or less the same. You know what to expect from weekends. You have neither the funds or time to take a spontaneous trip to Italy, so you don’t see any REAL excitement in the near future. And its okay because it has to be, and you take joy in the little things. Until you don’t, and then you write on your blog (that you wish could be full of exciting stories instead of diatribes about your boredom) about your thoughts and hope to find clarity and perhaps another person or two who feel the same.

Some days I genuinely don’t feel like doing anything. Well, actually that’s not true. If someone were to say “hey, wanna go to Europe (or anywhere really) for a few days??” I’d immediately pack and run out the door. But if it’s a choice of work, study, sleep, watch tv, read a book, go for a walk, eat something, go for a drive I’m all “meh.” I feel like Belle in Beauty in the Beast (I want much more than this provincial life! I want adventure in the great wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell. And for once it might be grand to have someone understand. I want so much more than they’ve got planned.) (though who “they” is in my life I do not know.)

I love my friends and I love M. I just wish there could be a little more oomph in every day. Perhaps that’s where alcohol comes in…

This weekend was good. I worked for part of the day on Saturday, then Jess and I got manicures. I’m sooo happy with mine. It’s truly the only one I’ve ever gotten that I actually really like. Then she came to my house and we got ready to go out for dinner and then bar hopping. I was hoping to show her and Derek an awesome good time, but unfortunately the bars were kinda lame. We still got pretty wasted though, which was fun.

Yesterday I hung around the house with M and studied. This weekend was really good for us. We didn’t argue once about anything. We were super affectionate and lovey (sneaking kisses, cuddling, smiling at each other sweetly when one of us walked into the room.) It was really, really nice.

The only…not bad, but not really good either…thing about when things are amazing and wonderful with M and I is that it makes me want to get engaged. I read blogs about other girls around my age getting engaged and see pictures of their rings, and I feel a tiny pang. I decided that the reasonable thing to do is concentrate on making myself an adult (responsible with money, finish school and get a good job, etc.) and then I’ll have the maturity to realize that marriage is not only about rings and dresses and weddings and introducing M as my fiance and telling people “O.M.GEEE I’m ENGAGED!” It’s a lifelong committment, the hardest job you’ll ever have, not always rainbows and sunshine, etc. But it’s also a partnership and love and growing old together OFFICIALLY and we’re already living together anyway and I’m in this for good, so really, what will change?

This is the convo that takes place when I bring up that line of thinking:
K: So really, what’s the difference?
M: Exactly my point. If there’s no difference, what’s the rush?
K: Because I’d like to have a 60th wedding anniversary. And not have ten years at the beginning of our relationship that “don’t count” because SOMEONE isn’t ready. Even though all logic (which you’re so fond of) points out that we are living like we are married.
M: Well, if we’re already living like we are, then can’t we just keep doing that? If it ain’t broke…you know?
K: But…but…
M: And besides, we can count the years before if we want. They might be the best years anyway.
K: WHAT??
M: I’m just being realistic.
K: Okay Mr. Realistic then think about the tax breaks! The benefits! You’re into stuff like that!
M: That is a good point…
K: *grins like a triumphant fool who has finally won this battle of wits*
M: But you’re into the line of reasoning that “we have the rest of our lives to be serious and pay bills, so what’s the rush?” Tax breaks go against what you’re looking for right now.
K: Ok, fine. Then we might as well never get married. If there’s no point then why waste the money and time?
M: That’s my girl!
K: Look, I’ve seen you with your niece, so I know you want kids. But if we don’t get married I don’t want to have kids.
M: Even cheaper.
K: *throws up hands in frustration and makes undecipherable loud grunting sound before stomping out of the room*

I am then followed and assured that yes it will happen, after school, when we have money, blah blah blah. I’m just impatient. And honestly, part of me really wants him to want it more so that I’m not the one gunning for it. Then I can sit back and smile because someone wants to marry ME, and they’ll have to wait until I’m good and ready.

The truth is, I’m not quite ready. But I’m almost there, which is scary and wonderful and all the better because the man I want to marry is already in my life and mine and loves me back. It doesn’t get much better than that now, does it?

Gotta get back to work…

Pampered September 20, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in girly stuff.
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I left work today at 2 so I could catch up on studying, and I realized that I probably won’t have time to get my hair cut on Saturday if I’m working, so I decided ‘what the hell’ and went to this salon near my house to check their prices.  I determined that they were reasonable, so I got my hair cut and then decided to get a pedicure.  I feel so pampered and spoiled.  And kind of bad because I really do need to study.  There’s always tonight 😀

More in a bit…I gotta go get my boy.

Blurbing September 20, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in books & movies & shows, I kinda love my life, it is looove, M.
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I just finished watching Gossip Girl, The Real World and Newport Harbor.  Can I admit, even though it’s completely dorky, that I LOVE Newport Harbor.  Maybe even more than Laguna Beach.  The kids seem to have more redeeming qualities so far (not to mention that Clay, though not quite legal, is freaking gorgeous, and his adorable relationship with Chrissy makes me smile and squee like it were my own relationship) and aren’t all about the DRA-MAAA that made LB so entertaining.  I also enjoyed Gossip Girl more than I thought I would.  Oh cheesy TV, you continue to suck me in. 

Speaking of TV, I cannot WAIT for The Office to start.  Jim and Pam are my absolute favorite TV couple evah (I even have a screencap of them as the background on my computer…yes, I am one of those people), and the fact that they’re finally together makes me squee like I’ve never squeed before.  Last season made my heart ache.  I actually cried out of pure frustration at the end of a couple episodes because my-GAWD-why can’t they just be together forever???  And then they got together (which also made me burst into tears), and now I just cannot wait to revel in the glorious love that is Jim and Pam. 

Speaking of glorious love… M is being a sweetie lately.  He acted like somewhat of an ass over the weekend, and since I basically ripped him a new one, which led to a heart to heart, which led to improvements in our already good relationship.  Exhibit A:

september-2007-002.jpg

(please ignore my shrine to us)

Tonight M wanted to go to the gym, but I was tired and it was already almost 8 (and I wanted to watch GG at 9) I decided to get Starbucks and read for a while instead of going with him.  I was about half through GG when he came back and gave me those flowers and a big kiss.  Sometimes he can be a pain in the ass, but usually he’s such a sweetheart. 

Yesterday Anna and I were talking about books, and I looked up the 100 Greatest Books of All Time, and decided that I am going to read them all.  So I went to this amazing used book store and got about 20 books for $30.  It was awesome.  We really need new bookshelves though, so M gently asked that I not buy any more books until we do so.  I want to go to Ikea sometime soon because I got this really great bookshelf that I’m using in my closet right now for shoes.  It was only $20, so I’d like to get three or four and put them side by side on one wall in the office.  I also want to buy more shelves for the closet in there and install them and make that another bookshelf.  I remember a literature professor I had a couple semesters ago saying that at our age we should have a library of 1000 books.  I think I have maybe 400, so I have a lot of catching up to do. 

Speaking of catching up, I haven’t gone to the gym nearly as much as I’d like to lately, which I’m hoping to amend soon.  I’m chalking it up to STILL not being completely over this cold because when I do go using any of the elliptical machines or treadmill makes me wheeze like I have asthma.  I’ve also been really tired because of the study load I’ve had this past week, so… yea.  My dad always says “excuses are like assholes.  Everyone has one, and they all stink.”  So. Damn. True.

I’m getting excited for the weekend.  I’m pretty sure I have to work Saturday because I forgot to tell my boss that I’m not, and he likes advance notice.  So, that kinda blows, but it’s money, which is always good.  After that I think Jess and I are going to get our nails did, and maybe I’ll get a haircut.  Then we might go bar-hopping.  Nothing is set in stone right now.  I’m going to try to take Saturday off because I need the study time.  We shall see…

That’s all for now. I’m sleepy.

Random (12?) September 18, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in random, school, work.
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Not having the internet at work sucks.  I do try to be productive, and actually work on what I’m paid to work on, but I will admit that it’s nice to take the occassional break and surf.  Right now I’m miraculously connected to someone’s wireless connection through my laptop, and when I figure out who he is, I will give him a big smooch. 

Unless it’s this completely creepy guy who works for the bank upstairs and is apparently somewhat stalking me.  One day, back when M worked here full time, creepy guy was in the elevator when we got in to leave for the day.  Whenever I see him he blatantly stares (which is one of my biggest pet peeves), and I try to ignore it and be polite and basically just avoid him at all costs.  Anyway…M and I walk into the elevator, and he proceeds to STARE at me.  M notices, clears his throat, and steps in front of me.  Creepy guy then actually moves over to the corner of the elevator, completely ignoring M, and keeps staring.  It was the creepiest thing.  When the elevator stopped, M took my hand and nudged me so I would walk out before him, and then glared at the creepy guy, who smiled and told me to have a nice afternoon. 

I usually leave at three, and Anna leaves at four, so she comes to sit at my desk because it’s the reception desk, and my boss likes to have someone there at all times.  We keep the door to the office closed, but there is a long window so you can see who’s walking by or waiting for the elevator (which is right next to our office).  She called me on Friday to say that she noticed that someone was looking in through the window, and looked up to see creepy guy staring at her.  She said that he looked “hopeful”, saw that it was her, looked “disappointed” and then moved closer to the elevator so that she couldn’t see him.  She noted that this is super creepy because he works on the third floor, (we’re on the second), so he would have no reason whatsoever to be on our floor. 

He seems relatively harmless.  I’m just frankly disgusted with him because he’s older (in his 50’s) and married (his wife, who looks really sweet, brings him lunch) (Anna and I spend a lot of time staring out the window, I’m not stalking him as well).  We were appalled to see that he’s actually married and acts the way he does.

Really random story, but I saw him this morning, and he smiled his creepy smile and yea… he’s creepy.

Anyway…

I’m really enjoying my classes so far.  The professors are kicking my ass with all the reading they’re assigning, but I like to read, so I can deal.  We’re having really good discussions in my Critical Approaches to Literature class.  I just really hope I can keep up. 

Not much else is going on.  I’m trying to go to the gym more, which is difficult because of how much time I’ve spent studying lately, but hopefully I’ll figure out a schedule.  Now I gotta get to work and catch up on all the crap I couldn’t do the past few days (fun, fun).

Thoughts September 13, 2007

Posted by Sparkel in Uncategorized, work.
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I was in a full-fledged panic at work this morning.  I arrived at 8, and up until about 10 minutes ago both the internet and network were completely down.  Now the network is still MIA, despite numerous attempts to fix/reboot/uninstall/reinstall, but somehow I got the internet to work, so I’m happy.  They should make me employee of the month 😀

M is sick.  He has a worse sore throat than I did, and just wants to sleep all day.  He’s still going to work, and even wants to go to a football game tonight (I can’t tell you how excited I am).  I feel bad for getting him sick, but thankfully he doesn’t blame me (too much). 

School is already kind of kicking my ass.  I have so much to read and I need to post on random annoucements and message boards and I just don’t feel like doing any of it.  I’m chalking it up to still not feeling 100%, because I frankly don’t feel like doing much of anything other than lie around and watch tv.  I haven’t been to the gym since last week, so I’m going to drag my ass out of bed early tomorrow morning and go for an hour before I drop M off at the metro.  I want to go Saturday too, after sleeping in because I took off work.  I love having weekends.  I don’t have nearly enough. 

My manager just asked me to call the guy who helps us with our computer issues (me: “you mean I’m not allowed to browse on the internet and write blogs all day??” *tear*) so I must get back to doing what I actually get paid for.